How to define “success” with your kid

Success means something different for everyone.

Often when there’s friction between, say, a parent and a kid (😬), it’s due to a misalignment on what success looks like.

One of my favorite tools for deciphering the differences in our approaches to success is the Six Lives Exercise created by G. Richard Shell.

It’s even the subject of one of my most popular YouTube videos 👇

The exercise is simple:

Shell created descriptions of six different “lives”, ranging from a teacher, to a banker, to a stone mason. Participants rank each of the lives by what they believe is the most successful life to the least successful life.

I think this is a great thing to do as a family.

There’s one snag — the exercise is meant for adults (or at the very least, older kids). The life descriptions are a tad advanced for younger kids.

So I’ve adapted the descriptions and the methodology so that you can easily try this exercise at home with younger kids.

There are four steps:

1. Read (or have your child read) each of the six descriptions.

2. Have them pick their favorite (rather than ranking).

3. Review the analysis of that description to gain insight into your kid’s definition of success.

4. REPEAT the exercise every six months.

The cool thing about kids is that they learn and grow a heck of a lot faster than we do. Not only can you use this tool as a barometer for how your child views success in the world, you can also use it to track how they change over time.

Read on for the exercise.

Ask your kid to pick their favorite—

🍎 The Knowledge Sharer

Imagine you're a teacher who loves to share knowledge with students. Your students have gone on to achieve great things, and you’re very proud of the role you’ve played in their lives. You have a loving family, although one of your children fell on hard times and no longer speaks to you.

💰 The Treasure Hunter 

Picture yourself as a treasure hunter who's always looking for the next big find. You're really good at making bets and winning a lot of money. You have a lot of toys and gadgets, and you’re able to travel all over the world. You don’t have a family, but you make up for it by always staying busy with new adventures.

🎾 The Sports Star

You're a famous sports star, loved by millions for your skills in tennis. You practice every day and win lots of trophies, but you have little time for other hobbies, hanging out with friends, or having fun. You have a wonderful family, but you don’t get to see them very much because you’re always playing tennis.

🎮 The Video Game Designer

You design video games and use your creativity and computer skills to build exciting worlds and characters. You're not a famous celebrity, and you haven’t made a lot of money, but players around the world love and enjoy the games you create. You have a loving family, and have lived in the same town your entire life.

🤱 The Caregiver

Envision yourself as a devoted parent, caring for your kids above all. You have a good job at a company you’ve worked at for a long time. You don’t have a spouse, and like to manage everything yourself. You have enough money to live a comfortable life, but you’re always taking on extra responsibilities.

🌎 The World Changer

The most important thing you feel you can do is help people who are less fortunate, and it’s ok that your family might not be as happy as they could be as long as you’re all making a positive impact on the world. Poor people in another country are relying on you to survive.

Then take a look at what it means—

This analysis is directly from R. Richard Shell:

🍎 The Knowledge Sharer

💰 The Treasure Hunter 

🎾 The Sports Star

🎮 The Video Game Designer

🤱 The Caregiver

🌎 The World Changer

—

The range of what success means to different people is as wide as the space between what you learn and school and what you use in real life 🤷

Talk to your kids about what success means to them.

Listen to them.

And don’t force your own version of success on them.

—End rant—